owen

Sometimes, like every time a train passes,
I get jealous of the
long nights,
blurred lights,
red eyes,
bar fights,

the 'where in the hell am I?
and how did I get here with one shoe?
and which way to the nearest train?'

Sometimes, like every time she breathes,
I embrace my routine.

I've been rejected and betrayed and dissapointed

and sometimes the fear is crippling

and it builds.

But where is the joy in reservation?

Where is the passion in self protection?

Vulnerability opens me to stronger passions than any reserved soul could imagine.

I will be broken again, over and over I suppose,  

but there isn't a lesson to be learnt.

I'm okay with the heart break because I've felt love, 

and now it's what I live for.

asdfncasdfask !

lately a recurring pattern in my psyche and in the attitudes of my friends is that everything has to happen immediately, or is treated as if it will be permanent. in reality, most good things will take time - and they won’t last forever.

so it’s no wonder so many of us are disappointed, or feel as if something is constantly lacking. i don’t think it can be fixed, either. maybe deep breaths, maybe taking long walks or having honest conversations and realistic expectations.

but who wants to live as a realist all the time? perhaps being young is a time for impatience, and for dreaming and chasing and ending up a complete mess.

at least we are learning lessons and learning about ourselves, taking risks that we can’t when we are older, finding and experiencing our passions, deciding what kind of person we want to be and who we want to be surrounded by.

you can’t find good friends without culling the bad ones, you can’t have great love without great heartbreak and you won’t know the right thing to do until you’ve made a lot of mistakes. 

maybe we should still take deep breaths and long walks, and be honest, but when life presents you with an opportunity to feel, or to change, or to lose yourself for a while then do it, and break your heart and your back in the process.

Day to day I'm told that I shine, little do they know how my entire being shrivels in the face of rejection. 

Everybody chill

Try not to freak out about having a liberal government. There is a reason it was a landslide, and its not because the majority of Australians are rich or heartless - six years ago there was a landslide in the other direction. It is the natural cycle of our democracy.

Yes, it means less social reform which sucks. Yes, I disagree with a lot of Abbot’s policies and he’s kind of a wanker - but there is a lot more to politics that we, as young people, are yet to grasp. It is easy to cling to the issues that we are passionate about, but we need to relax and look at the big picture.

We live in a beautiful, stable country that has flourished under the constant swing of labour and liberal. So take comfort in knowing that if the damage is truly horrific, they will be voted out and perhaps labour will bounce back as a more unified, efficient party.

In the meantime, channel your passionate frustration into something useful - join a social movement and actively fight for your cause. Make a real difference instead of waiting for your government to do so and whinging when they don’t.

✌

I wish running away from home would solve all my problems, like it did when I was younger. 

But nowadays my home is just a house, and it's full of shit but that's not where my problems live.

If I could run from my memory, I would. 

If I could run from my short comings, I would.

If I could run from all the things you said, then I swear I would never look back.

But running never solved anything really, and I can't escape this either.

Home

There is nature and humanity and the animal kingdom and we are slowly but surely destroying it all
and to feel so helpless amidst all this hurt is by far my most excruciating curse.

But I know I will make changes, small but sure and always for the better. Person by creature by plant at a time, I promise I'll fix what I can in this life.

Because money will not quench when the ocean has dried up and it will not fill the stomachs of farmers without fields - it can't bring back the life of a poached beast, or slaughtered pig or hunter's meat.

Money can only excuse and justify for so long, until the lions are forced to starve the sheep and die lonely in their castles overlooking our streets filled with bodies and tears for what we couldn't see when life was simple and ignorant and compassion was for the weak.

I am no pioneer, there are thousands like me - with hearts that ache for the starved face on TV. But who will stand and fight and dedicate their life, to something that won't give them a castle on a hill, or a private school, could you sacrifice wealth and material things for more trees and a world without fear and poverty?

I guess it comes down to priorities, but I'll stand and I'll fight and I'll dedicate my life, and hope that one day more will join me.

smart phone, not-so-smart purpose

In my opinion, a photograph should document a moment in time that is meaningful to you, a moment that you want to remember.

Nowadays, however, photographs are often used to project an image - a life we strive for, or a life we pretend to live. Likes have become a measure of our worth and consequently these photographs have become the reason we leave the house. Our friendships and our destinations are carefully selected depending on what they will represent to our followers. 

For those of us partaking in this inane quest for popularity, life is a constant struggle to remain relevant - or at least to seem that way. What actually goes on behind the screen ranges from insecurity to eating disorders, and from loneliness to serious mental illness. Yet the photos continue to pour out of us, portraying complete bliss. 

To make matters worse, we fall for it. We witness everybody else's perfect life and wonder where we went wrong. We then pigeon-hole ourselves to develop an identity that might fill this void - another step away from who we really are and another opportunity for life to teach us a lesson. 

This might seem harmless in the long run, but what our generation is yet to grasp is how fulfilling life has the potential to be - how incredible it can feel to live for your own approval. 

I think we would all benefit from stepping back and examining our lives. Ask yourself whether your friends enrich your life, whether you are following your passion and whether you are staying true to who you are when you share your life online. 

I've said before that when I stopped judging others, I stopped feeling the need to impress. Now every time I put my phone away to listen, look and embrace the moment, the relentless desire to be admired slowly fades away too.

procrastinating.

what is the point of praise, if you know that you were lying? how can you accept the flattery, when you bare nothing at all?

people fall in love with who you are when you aren't pretending, with your heart and your eyes open and vulnerable. and what better form of praise or flattery than words whispered gently in your ear, wrapped in her arms, or warmed by his flesh? 

love is where we're going and where we'll stay, the meaning and the end, and the only thing in this life that's worth dying for.

So, South East Asia...

I could sit here and write for hours but I know that 98% of the people in my life are busy having a life so I think I'll take the high road and use sentences instead of stories. These are basically the first things that pop into my head when I ask myself what I liked the most about my trip..

The colour and the atmosphere in the temples.

Near death experiences in buses, on motorbikes and on bicycles.

The smell of burning incense.

The people, everywhere.

The untouched mountains along the Mekong in Laos.

My heartrate while crossing the road in Hanoi for the first time.

Surviving all the road crossings that followed.

Markets and bars.

The sunset in Halong Bay, and in Pakbeng, and Luang Prabang.

"Tuk tuk?!"

Waterfalls, islands, rivers and floating villages.

The history.

Papaya salad and every other vegetarian meal ever served in south-east asia...ever.

And for everyone who asks the trivial question, 'what was your favourite place?', I have a few.

Luang Prabang, Laos

Hoi An, Vietnam and

Siem Reap, Cambodia

I could have stayed for months in all of these places, and after I've seen the rest of the world I fully intend to go back.

For now though, I've started saving for a year long exchange in Edinburgh in 2014 and as much as I love home, I cannot wait to be stepping onto a plane again.

Sleeper trains

The horizon lays neatly around your comfort zone.
Rooftops and friendships and a few familiar streets.

Smoke chokes your breath as you mistake comfort for a sense of belonging,
but it's easier that way, so you stay.

Well I think you deserve to know that they aren't waiting for you to arrive.
Though they notice when you're there, they won't miss you when you're gone.

The streets will be empty.
The rooftops will scar the soles of your feet.
Years will leave nothing more than a bitter taste in your mouth and a few tears in your lap.

It's not unusual and it's nobody's fault, it's a risk we all take.
So pick up your pieces and let each rising sun erase the pain.
After a few steps you'll realise that you will never reach the horizon anyway.

Christmas time :)

Crooked

It's how I was born.
I wasn't given a choice.
Would you like me to hide it?
Should I somehow cover it up?

If you blame me for my blessings
then I'll blame you for your curse.
Your heart of stone
and your crooked fucking teeth.

I know it's your insecurities and your doubt,
not just your cruel nature.
So I don't judge you
and I won't start to.

But my heart is not made of stone
and my blessings are not a shield,
still I'll smile brighter and I'll keep fighting,
because that's the only thing you can't take from me.

Someday when you've grown up
and you're looking back and you want to be proud,
you'll think of the hurt and all your words,
for the sake of somewhere to belong.

You blame me for my blessings
so I pity you for your curse.
Your heart of stone
and your crooked fucking teeth.

The tallest man in my eyes

Love is all, from what I've heard, but my heart's learned to kill.
Oh, mine has learned to kill.
-The tallest man on earth



I am seeing him again next March and I don't quite know how to contain my excitement.
meow!

Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand and Laos.

Only 15 sleeps.. so keen for third world livin!

There's no such thing

There's a monster in my hands and he's pushing you away,

he knows that you're unhappy and he likes it that way.

There's a monster in my head and now he's telling me to leave,

so I'll do as he says, to give myself reprieve.

There's a monster in my bed and he's laying down with her,

so I'll sit back and watch, despite the hurt it will incur.

There's a monster on my tongue and he wants to steal your smile,

but I won't give in to him, at least not for a while.

Now the monster's in my hand and he's picking up the phone,

he's telling you we're better off with her than all alone.

I've stopped fighting for my voice and dealing with the pain,

my monster needs the warmth, so he is all to blame.

My monster stays quiet now, he's content with how things are,
I guess ignorance is easier than healing all my scars.

But I've stopped looking in the mirror for fear of what I'll see,

because nowadays it's clear that there's no monster, there's just me.



Three great reasons to stop judging people.

It's a hot summer afternoon and you're walking down the street without shoes on. You left your t-shirt on the beach because you're covered in sunscreen (or oil, if you aren't a borderline-albino like myself), so you're only wearing a bikini top and shorts. As you stroll along, you begin to notice people staring. When you glance back, they are doing a double-take as well. Now, these aren't the kind of stares you endure waxing and cycle classes to attract. No. These are disapproving stares. You chalk it up to jealousy (because that makes you feel better) and continue along your path to delicious ice-creamy goodness. After all, things could be worse.

A few days later on the train to work, you're staring out the window as usual when you hear two chatty teenage boys burst out laughing. Their laughter is infectious, so you smile too - until you realise that it's directed at the boy opposite you. He is staring into his lap but beneath his lashes you can see that his eyes are turning bloodshot. Then you hear it, the crushing words that fill your eyes with tears as well: 'Yeah, as if, fucking faggot.'.

Yesterday I had an epiphany that has done wonders to my outlook on life.

Next time you start formulating a nasty thought about someone passing you by, consider this:

1) If they look, speak or act in a certain way it's because that's what comes naturally to them.
2) What they wear, watch or listen to is what makes them happy.
3) The people they hang out with are people that appreciate them and make them feel good (hopefully).

Why let it bother you? Why let negativity override the benefit of the doubt? And most importantly, what makes you better than them?

If you let go of inconsequential, judgemental opinions you might find yourself smiling more often. Smiling at the fact that when that person woke up this morning, they didn't feel the need to impress you or anyone. Smiling at the notion of individuality and compassion. Smiling at the fact that we all have the freedom to be whoever we want to be.

According to philosophical theory, the ultimate goal in life is to maximise one's personal freedom without minimising anybody else's. In other words, take every step possible to make yourself happy without hurting anybody in the process.

I have found that appreciating people for exactly who they are, has begun to do just that. I smile more, and people smile back. With all this positive brain space, I have room to notice the beauty around me - in people and places, and nature especially. There's even a little skip in my step.

Best of all though, is that I'm starting to accept and appreciate who I am, too. When I stopped judging, I stopped feeling the need to impress. Now, I'm not an expert, but I have an inkling that this might be the first step to truly loving and respecting myself. Sorry guys, but no expensive shirt, handbag or pair of shoes is quite as satisfying and fulfilling as that.

Except maybe this one...

beneath the surface

Waves stroke her spine
the wind is soft against her neck
as he carries her away
he whispers feelings
and she floats far from home.

He is her glistening sea

but the shimmer in his skin cannot disguise
the darkness in his depths
and no manner of sunlight or sand can soften
the salt in his kiss.

The sea is no place for broken bones
to rest,
and no place for starved lungs
to find breath.

His intentions are pure
but by nature he is cursed.

He is her sea,
but he can never quench her thirst.

Umm

I have only just realised how sexual the name of my blog is... Open your throat... Wow.

So I thought I would share with you it's entirely PG origin - a song by Have Heart called 'On the bird in the cage'. It's inspired by a poem called 'I know why caged birds sing' by Maya Angelou and it blows my mind!


On the bird in the cage - Have Heart

My girl, my girl, tell me why you look so sad...
Has the sun finally set on us?
Have you come to long for another's hand?
There's a feeling inside me that somethings leaving.
Like someone stealing salt from sea.
Left me sinking and left me thinking
how to keep you caged with me.

Because I fucking need you,

like air I fucking breathe.
Just to hold you.
oh' I hold you.
oh' how I hold you.
I hold you down.

Down with my insecurities
down with my hypocrisy
down with my pathetic pleas
down instead of setting you free
to find your happiness with or without me.

So untie your feat, reattach your wings
so you don't have to open your throat to sing.
Because if it's you I love, then from you...

I'd walk away.

And your face:
on every leaf
of every branch
of every tree.