May 4th,
May 28th,
Just when I thought the last embers had burnt out, you lit a flame between my shoulder blades. The burn ran through my spine and wrapped around my ribs, sinking into my lungs and choking every breath. The light in my skin glimmered as strong as ever but my organs turned black.
Your eyes are focused on a space behind me. And I can see the satisfaction in your smile so I’ll keep a straight face. The fire will burn slowly but my lips are tight, it won’t escape. In my mind my fingers are wrapped around your throat and you’re choking too. But it’s only a matter of time.
When I walk away you’ll walk towards that place - the space where you stared - looking for the warm human heart you left beating behind me - your warm heart. But it’s blackened by the smoke and cold from neglect. While you light fires the beats will slow, the love will trickle into the floorboards along with any trace of the good I have seen.
My heart will still burn but it’s strong, and it will keep beating long after your flame burns out.
I let my head roll off, into the mud. It stares out of empty eye sockets with a twisted expression but I don’t look down. And I won’t. I can’t stand still but I swear I used to see straight. Nothing you said or say sounds true but I’m gonna believe every word. Until you’re gone, then the only thing I believe is that you don’t care. You aren’t there. You’re with her, hammering nails into rotten wood. Building another ship to steer off-course into a storm to sink and watch with tears in your eyes and fingers crossed behind your back.
And I’ll keep sitting and thinking. Sitting and sinking. These days don’t make sense but they will.
I lost my head months ago but it followed me here. Rolling and trampled into concrete and tar. It’s filled with voices and thoughts, too heavy to lift or rearrange. Maybe not today, but I will be whole soon.
Still your fingers plug the holes in my chest. The only control you have left. My pain waiting to seep out with withdrawal. And I’ll walk away, head following and heart exposed by the holes you punched too keep me around.
We’re all waiting to let go, only to grasp hold of a new set of fingers - fresh and clean and yielding with the promise of strength to hold on.
I lost my head months ago, but it followed me here. And we’re all we’ve got.
And I’ll keep sitting and thinking. Sitting and sinking. These days don’t make sense but they will.
I lost my head months ago but it followed me here. Rolling and trampled into concrete and tar. It’s filled with voices and thoughts, too heavy to lift or rearrange. Maybe not today, but I will be whole soon.
Still your fingers plug the holes in my chest. The only control you have left. My pain waiting to seep out with withdrawal. And I’ll walk away, head following and heart exposed by the holes you punched too keep me around.
We’re all waiting to let go, only to grasp hold of a new set of fingers - fresh and clean and yielding with the promise of strength to hold on.
I lost my head months ago, but it followed me here. And we’re all we’ve got.
May 28th,
Just when I thought the last embers had burnt out, you lit a flame between my shoulder blades. The burn ran through my spine and wrapped around my ribs, sinking into my lungs and choking every breath. The light in my skin glimmered as strong as ever but my organs turned black.
Your eyes are focused on a space behind me. And I can see the satisfaction in your smile so I’ll keep a straight face. The fire will burn slowly but my lips are tight, it won’t escape. In my mind my fingers are wrapped around your throat and you’re choking too. But it’s only a matter of time.
When I walk away you’ll walk towards that place - the space where you stared - looking for the warm human heart you left beating behind me - your warm heart. But it’s blackened by the smoke and cold from neglect. While you light fires the beats will slow, the love will trickle into the floorboards along with any trace of the good I have seen.
My heart will still burn but it’s strong, and it will keep beating long after your flame burns out.